I'm not a big political kind of guy - as long as there are just two political parties that offer choices like kerry or bush, it's hard to get excited. but i read this post below (copied from tom tomorrow - see 'political fun' link below) and it pretty well sums up my lean to the left...

"A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JOE REPUBLICAN"

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that his in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the tax-payer funded roads.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans.

The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."

posted by bluematrix at 09/28/04 13:44 | link | comments (2)

am i the only one...

- who knows the power of the desert
- who is not afraid to swim in the ocean at night
- who knows the freedom of a motorcycle
- who knows the warm kiss of tequila
- who knows the thrill of jumping out of an airplane

- who does his best to do what he says he will do
- who writes songs you can actually sing
- who laughs with the Grand Comedian
- who struggles to acknowledge the passage of time

- who the right song at the right moment will bring tears to
- who wishes for better friends
- who feels guilty for not being a better friend to those who desire it


- who needs down time at regular intervals
- who always wonders what's around the next corner
- who enjoys a quiet merlot on a warm night at an outdoor cafe
- who will cheer for the home team
- who admires a well made vehicle

- who wants to fit in, but rebels against it
- who strives for consistency, but craves that which is different
- who looks for just the right word
- who gets lost in the reverie of a sudden triggered memory
- who knows how to make a decision

who would prefer to follow but can not find anyone worth following


who wakes up in the middle of the night and scribbles his thoughts?
.

posted by bluematrix at 09/26/04 23:05 | link | comments (2)

i was wondering how long it would take to start writing songs again. here is my first post-marysdream song...


'beyond the shadow of a doubt'


a little boy went down to the shoreline
had a world of dreams in his head
that little boy called out to the ocean
'i'll make my mark in this world' he said

but in a little while his mom came to find him
tried to douse the dreams in his head
she didn't know the resolve that had found him
she didn't know - he'd do what he said

its shining,
the dream had found him
its burning - can't go out
he holds it everyday...beyond the shadow of a doubt


the little boy grew to a young man
filled his head with this and with that
played some ball, chased a few girls around
kept his dream like a jewel he could look at

but more and more the world grew too sharp edged
more and more he dulled his fine senses
beer and booze and modifications
his life filled with toys and expenses

warm ashes,
the dream fading
its cooling - almost out
he's too busy - the dream's no longer...beyond the shadow of a doubt


'sentimental fool,
take the boys to school
come home and rest', she said
it's time to to go to bed'


then a day came, he went down to the shoreline
he remembered the dream in his head
then the man cried out to the ocean
now its time to do what he said

its shining,
the dream had found him
its burning - can't go out
he will live it every day...beyond the shadow of a doubt

posted by bluematrix at 09/20/04 18:28 | link | comments (3)

"the aim of life is to get as far as possible away from imperfection." - supreme court justice Oliver Holmes.

what is a man? a body? certainly, but anything else? a personality that includes his mind, memories and the conglomeration of his unique life experiences? yes, but anything more? some would say no, but Hinduism disagrees. underlying man's personality and animating it is a reservoir of being that never dies, and is without limit in awareness and bliss.

but why do we not act accordingly then? notice that a lamp may be so covered in dust and dirt that its light will be almost invisible. the spiritual problem life puts before us is to clean the lamp.

but what if we die before we can clean the lamp? strictly speaking every moment in our lives is a dying. the I of that moment dies, never to live again. yet despite the fact that in this sense my experience consists of nothing but funerals, i do not think that i am dying in these, for i do not equate myself with any one of these experiences. i think of myself enduring through these, witnessing them, but not being them.

a child's heart is broken by misfortunes we consider trivial. he is each incident, being unable to see it against the backdrop of a whole, variable lifetime. a great deal of experience is required before the child shifts his self-identification away from the individual moment and becomes an adult. compared with children we are mature, but compared with sages we are children. no more capable of seeing our total selves in perspective than a 3 year old who has broken her doll.

don't worry about the dying, just keep cleaning the lamp.
.

posted by bluematrix at 09/19/04 09:40 | link | comments

my mother sends (make that forwards, i don't think she has ever actually written me more than a few lines in my entire life) joke emails from time to time. below is one that actually had things i hadn't heard multiple times before.

- Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

- A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a truefriend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"

- I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said, "Implants?" She hit me.

- Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

- I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

- I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

- I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

- I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

- Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

- How come we choose from just two people to run for President and 50 for Miss America?

- Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

- Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

- Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

posted by bluematrix at 09/14/04 14:57 | link | comments (1)

when i got out of college i spent a month with my dad's brother in NYC. having never been there before, i was most impressed with its size and the cultural diversity it offered. for some silly reason, i thought that my freshly earned degree in advertising would automatically open madison avenue doors and provide me a lucrative career. i quickly found out that a degree from a midwestern public college and 50 cents would get me a pack of gum and not much more. after a few weeks of banging my head against big agency walls, i resigned myself to the fact that i was not going to get the job i wanted here and proceeded to spend a lot of time in the cities extensive libraries and just wondering around exploring.

my uncle bob let me use an extra office he had as a base of operations in manhattan for awhile. he was a vp for dean witter, a big financial investment firm. years later, on the morning of 9/11 2001, i watched in awe as the first plane crashed in tower A of the trade center and wondered about my uncle. a few hours later my dad called me and told me that he had not from his brother bob yet, and his wife, my aunt barb, was frantic because phone service was pretty much out downtown. i learned that his company, dean witter, had moved their offices to the upper floors of tower B several years before.

hour after hour i was glued to the tv watching the destruction and waiting word for word of my uncle. finally, sometime after lunch, barb called and said that bob was okay. turns out that after the first tower was hit, tower B was evacuated. uncle bob was outside his building when he was told it was okay to go back in. screw that he said and began his long journey on foot out of the city. he had not gone very far when he looked up and saw the other jet crash into tower B right where his office was on the 76th floor.

for all the times i've complained about being stuck in the midwest, for once it felt like a very good place to be in the world.

posted by bluematrix at 09/12/04 11:20 | link | comments

The september 5 post about innocent bystanders outside the GOP convention on this website -

this modern world

- sounds more like an account from some 3rd world country, not downtown NYC. scary.

posted by bluematrix at 09/10/04 10:17 | link | comments

Wear Sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds know still don’t.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either: your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few, you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen...

Baz Luhrmann to the class of '97

posted by bluematrix at 09/09/04 19:26 | link | comments (4)

Tis hard to give up things. how do we know when its time to move on to something new? that the car, or behavior, or relationship that carried me so far, has not kept up in my fast ever changing world. that the time is ripe for a change that at first may be jarring to my normal routine, but in time proves not only inevitable, but good.

'when we remain loyal to the past, our mind refuses to realize that tomorrow's joy is possible only if today makes way for it; that each wave owes the beauty of its line only to the withdrawal of the preceding one.' -André Gide

its such a delicate balance...if i just wait a little longer - what? will i miss the golden opportunity of a lifetime? or will i narrowly avert making a terrible choice. i can see how people become paralyzed with making decisions.

my best solution so far is half obvious commonsense and half reckless whimsy. when facing a decision i weigh the pros and cons and forecast as best i can the different possible outcomes from each path. sometimes a little voice inside can be heard after the din of the logic machine ceases, and i go with my intuition.

but if i hear nothing, and if a decision has to be made one way or the other and can not be put off until i can gather more information to guide my choice - i flip a coin. and not just any coin, a quarter (not sure why). and as i reach for the quarter i silently vow that regardless of flip i will adhere to the outcome or i won't flip. and sometimes at this critical juncture, like a trial where someone bursts into the courtroom with a piece of damning evidence, or the movie where the hero has to cut either the blue or the red wire to stop the bomb from exploding, the answer comes, but not very often.

and then as the coin is turning end over end in the air, i remind myself of the few times i've gone against the coin toss...i've regretted not following through every time
.

posted by bluematrix at 09/04/04 22:45 | link | comments (1)

'If Jesus died for my paltry sins, he overreacted.'
- Matt Decatur, The Decatur Dirt Punks

'I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own -- a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty.' - Albert Einstein

posted by bluematrix at 09/01/04 16:26 | link | comments (2)